Chapter 1 - How it all started ... meeting the Narcissist

So lets take this from the start. It was June of 2015 and I had already been for sometime out of a bad relationship (we also got married but only for bureaucratic reasons). I was left with a 3 year old son and my 2 older kids ( 19 and 18 at the time) from my previous marriage (to my first narcissist).
I had already a good job and I was at a point where I started finding myself..or at least so I thought.
One day at work another Greek colleague of mine tells me that we had two new Greek colleagues and he wanted to introduce them to me..and so he did. For anonymity's sake we will call my narcissist "T Narc" from now on. So I was introduced to  "T Narc" and his friend. Very happy to have two more people from my country there I talked to them for a while and of course every time I bumped onto them at work. Nothing special. As far as it goes to attraction, NO I was not attracted to any of them whatsoever. A few months forward and it is September on my birthday. I invited all Greek colleagues to my birthday but those two had to work so they did not come. A few more months forward, December,  and we arrange to have coffee.. just the Greeks.

I arrived at this Greek cafe a little late cause I had to make arrangements for my little one. When I got there only on of them was already present .. lets call him G. So we tried messaging the others but at the end nobody could come except "T Narc". He came there and the three of us started talking about all sorts of things... and he seemed to  agree a lot with me on many subjects. At some point we all started talking about relationships and it seemed that we had the same ideas.. but again as I said.. no attraction at all. Later on I felt closer to him, maybe cause of all the things he said...the way he thought. And when G suddenly said "sometimes what we are looking for is in front of us and we don't see it" mine and T Narc's  eyes met and...that was it. Sparks all over the place... from both sides.
I said I was hungry but G had to leave so T Narc looked at me and said "lets stay" .. and we did. We decided to go and find something to eat at 1 am. As we were walking and talking about everything I grabbed him from his arm..cause I was wearing some shitty shoes and had hard time walking is it was raining and it was muddy everywhere. But it felt.. right..he liked it too.

We sat at this Greek place to eat.. and I gave him a bite to try from a plate we were served. He said "WoW what you just did, not many women do nowadays. You reminded me of the old classy ladies".
I took it of course as a compliment, it really made me feel all warm inside. He seemed to have ALL the same ideas with me, same thoughts, expectations...and at some point he said "I think cupid is throwing arrows all over but we just don't notice" I laughed... but I felt something magical. He had such a way with words, such manners... it was too good to be true.Before I knew it, it was already 5 am and we were still talking...they had to close so I offered ti take him home since he had no car.
As I was driving he told me "wow it is the first time a woman drives me home, I am not used it but I like it". And we laughed and kept on talking and laughing. I took him home but my phone was out of battery and I had to use it in order to have GPS on to drive home. so he offered me to go up his house and charge it for a bit. I was hesitant but went. He was a perfect gentleman. We went to a very small room and he explained that it is not exactly a house..it is like something between a hotel and a rental house. Anyway I was surprised it was spotless clean, everything in perfect order... I would not expect that from a single man. I charged my phone and left. The tension between us was strong but he did not attempt anything and of course neither did I. He asked me to text him when I got home which I did and he wished me a good night, thanked me for taking home and told me it was a great night that we had.

22.12.2015  A day that will forever stay in my memory. It even became the number of my licence plate after some time. It was the day after the one I just described. At around 1pm he texted me to see how I slept and told me to go out with him if I wanted. It was Christmas time so there is always this Christmas market in the center of Frankfurt and he suggested we'd go there. We met around 3 there and we started walking and talking. I felt so nice and he made me feel so special.. a gentleman as always, we laughed a lot and actually at some point he put his arm around me to protect me from being pushed from the people that were walking here and there (A LOT of people). He took me to a skating center which opens only during Christmas and it is at the top of a central Mall in the city. In there at some point we just looked at each other and with the Christmas atmosphere and the way his eyes looked at me it felt like magic... I got goose bumps..and that was the first time he hugged me from behind and told me he felt that too. We went on to a cafe and we kept on talking and laughing.
After a while he looked at me so intensely, I thought I was melting. And he said "I cant hold it any more" , grabbed my face and gave me the longest kiss ever. It was like a movie ! Seriously I have never felt like this before.. EVER !

It was late so at some point we had to go.. and I still dont know how.. we ended up at his house. We made love like it was made in heaven.  The way he treated me.. the way he looked at me.. the way he talked... it was magical. He even mentioned that he has never felt like this before... and that we match perfectly sexually. He actually made a joke about it ... "if you do back door too (sorry for TMI) I am marrying you now" .I felt like in a dream...it was something you either read on Romance Novels or watch on the movies. I could not believe what I was living. It was the beginning of a dream.. which would end up being my nightmare. You see.. this is the first phase of what Narcissists do and it is called "Love Bombing"  You can listen more about it on the video below..and trust me .. this shit is TRUE !!

I wish you a wonderful day ... make sure you educate your self about this disorder..it is DANGEROUS !!!

Introduction

Let my start by introducing my self....and the disorder mentioned on the title. I am Jenny, a 44 (almost 45) year old mom of 3, Greek living in Germany for the past 5 years. I was also about 6 years in the US then back to Greece, then here. I have been through a lot but I survived. I always thought it was me causing all those burdens, it was my bad choices. And they were. But what I did not know is that there was a reason behind all those bad choices. And it wasn't until 6 months ago when I decided finally to go into therapy, that I started to realize what the reasons were (and are).

I am not even close to being healed, I have a long process ahead of me but I am determined to find and love myself for once. Apparently my childhood and my parents (one of them a narcissist, the other constantly depressed) took a huge toll on me and affected my whole life till now.

But since I mentioned it, what is a narcissist ? What is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) ?
I am in no way a specialist, a doctor, a therapist. I speak only from experience and from my own personal research. Whatever I post here about it will be exclusively from sources I found during my research and I hope it can help you as it helped me. So in your minds when you hear "narcissist" is the everyday term we use someone to describe someone self absorbed...and it is that too, but so much more. Here is what a narcissist is according to Psychology Today

When we think of narcissists, we usually picture someone with an inflated ego — someone bossy and arrogant, who has to be right. To be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the person must exhibit grandiosity (if only in fantasy) and lack of empathy, as exhibited by at least five of the following traits:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance and exaggerates achievements and talents.

Dreams of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Believes he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.

Requires excessive admiration.

Unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment or compliance with his or her wishes.

Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve personal ends.

Lacks empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

Envies others or believes they’re envious of him or her.

Has arrogant behaviors or attitudes.

In addition to the grandiose “Exhibitionist Narcissist” described above, James Masterson identified “Closet Narcissists” — those with a deflated, inadequate self-perception, a sense of depression and inner emptiness. (They are also referred to as "Introverted Narcissists.") They may appear shy, humble, or anxious, because their emotional investment is in the idealized other, which is indirectly gratifying (Masterson, 2004). “Malignant Narcissists" are the most pernicious and hostile type, enacting anti-social behavior. They can be cruel and vindictive when they feel threatened or don’t get what they want.

So guys, this is not a joke ! It is serious, it is a personality disorder and the worse thing is that it can not be easily detected !! You can be friends with a narcissist, you can have one as a partner or spouse, coworker, family member and chances are you will never know or when you do it will be already too late ! People who have a narcissist in their lives are destroyed and it takes a long time of therapy for them to heal..some never fully do. I will explain on my next posts what exactly happens.

So I have been the victim on one as a parent (but I had no idea), then one as a husband (a therapist mentioned to me once about narcissism but back then I did not want to believe it) and then the recent one as a partner. This last one took a huge toll on me cause he was (and is) one of the worst cases..one that you cannot easily detect until it is too late and you are so deep in the hole that it is almost impossible to get out. And since I just started my process of healing now, I decided to write down everything so when I have doubts or question myself, I come back and read and remember.
Also, I thought it would be a good way to connect with others that go through the same thing and maybe help others to understand and heal.

So this is it for now... I hope you stick around and maybe also share your thoughts, experiences and comments.

Have a good one